Everyday Life

Thank You for Choosing Deo. Please Stop Stealing Mine.

It’s summertime here in Louisiana.  If you’re unsure what that actually means, here it is:  it’s HOT.  It’s extremely hot.  A day in the high 90s actually feels like 110+. The humidity is unreal.  That old adage, “It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity”….well, nothing says, “Louisiana heat” like the humidity. As a lifelong resident, I know this and know it is only going to get hotter as the summer progresses.

Here’s something else about Louisiana you may not know:  deodorant is NOT optional. It’s not.  It never will be.  It is always needed.  Always.

I am, unfortunately, not a woman who “glistens.”  I’d like to call it that, but who am I kidding?  I POUR sweat.  If I am out in the heat, even for a short period of time, I will be dripping with sweat.  It’s no fun, but apparently, I am not the only one.

Fortunately the deodorant creators know this and have in recent years created a product that is for the woman who SWEATS.  This is what I call “summer deodorant.”  As the temperatures start climbing, I go and purchase my summer deodorant.  When the temperatures are cooler (late fall, winter, very early spring), I wear my “winter deodorant.”  Winter deodorant is just regular deodorant.  Summer deodorant, though, is something else.  It is CLINICAL STRENGTH!

This clinical strength product is not cheap.  It is approximately $11.96, give or take.  I don’t like the price, but even the box says “100% confidence guaranteed.” I am 100% confident that by smearing this particular combination of chemicals (that I can’t pronounce, and wouldn’t use in a conversation if I could) into my armpits, I will remain stench-free.  I will not produce armpit body odor for possibly the duration of my life.  I will plunk down the $11.96 for the assurance that when I get hot, I will not smell like a goat.

Recently, my husband went shopping for me. One of the items on my list on this particular day was deodorant.  He went into the bathroom and looked at the deodorant I had so he would know exactly what kind to get.  He went shopping and got what we needed.

When he came home, I noticed that the deodorant he got for me was not in my preferred scent, but I didn’t say a word.  He was nice enough to go for me, and I didn’t have to do the shopping, so “powder protection” would be my new scent until I needed more.

I went to the bathroom to put away the new deodorant and imagine my horror when I discovered it was not what it appeared.

If you’ll notice, the deodorant is not actually clinical strength. It is “winter deodorant.” I was a bit testy.

You see, this is not the first time this has happened to me.  Yes, you read that correctly.  This has happened before.  Last time it happened, I got a “store” brand. I decided it wasn’t even worth it to try to exchange it and I just decided to use it.  Let’s just say it equated to something undesirable.  The oils separated from the powder part, and it was a drippy, gloppy mess.  It was disgusting.  So, since then, I have opened the deodorant box BEFORE purchasing it to make sure I was getting what was advertised.  But, I didn’t think to tell my husband to check, so he just grabbed the first one that looked like what I had at home.

Now, here is what is happening.  Someone has discovered that clinical strength is what is needed to beat this Louisiana heat.  But, they don’t want to pay for it.  They will take a cheaper product, switch it with the more expensive product, have the cheaper box scanned, and smuggle out the more expensive deodorant.  Meanwhile, I pay $11.96 (ELEVEN DOLLARS and NINETY-SIX CENTS) for a $4 tube of deodorant.  AGAIN!

This may be a perfectly wonderful product for winter deodorant, but not in July. Not in Louisiana.

So, please accept this as a summer-time PSA.  Check your deodorant before you purchase it.  Learn from my mistakes.

And, if you are a person who does such foolishness, know this:  you are stealing.  Maybe not in a typical way, but you are still stealing.  While I appreciate that you are choosing deo,  please, before I lose my mind, stop stealing mine!!

Friends, I hope you all have a cool, sweat-free weekend!!

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